It’s been many months since I last logged in and posted anything on this blog. It feels refreshing to see my posts, emotionally-charged poetry and write-ups, with fresh eyes. Some of them still feel fresh and raw, taking me back to days of happiness, anxiety, and loneliness. Some of the pieces, however, already feel like they’ve been written by someone else.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve forgotten how to write the way I used to. I cannot write in certain styles that I’ve used ad nauseam three or four years ago. Much of my writing has been limited to hundred-and-forty-character tweets, and if I feel industrious enough, a long post about something, usually about love or how the government should be doing a better job. A lot has happened during the past year – heartaches, heartbreaks, and a lot of contemplation.
I’ve tried keeping everything and turning everything around in my head, but I found out that that doesn’t really work for me. Everything seems temporary and fleeting. I’d come to conclusions and scrap everything after a few minutes. I find myself revisiting the same ideas at nighttime. Writing on paper doesn’t work for me, either. I have a bad habit of not getting everything write the first time. At the same time, I hate erasures and the way my hands cannot keep up with my thoughts. Thus, this whole typing thing here (or on Word).
In addition to whatever poems I’ll post, I’ll also be posting my reflections and experiences. I mean a blog about a state of ambivalence should also explain the context, shouldn’t it? I’ll also post how I understand this confusing world. Some posts may appear to be rehashes of certain concepts or ideas, and they may well be. How I understand something may be different from how another person understands it.
So yeah, I’m sorta resetting this blog so that it becomes more less of a poetry collection and more of an accurate depiction of this so-called state of ambivalence. Hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing.