i could never win at
these games we play –
i reach out to silence.
nothing but cold breeze
and vigorous shivers
keep me company
boy meets girl
girl meets boy
let’s be together.
will you m-
hello? hello? hello?
her words were her personal vitriol
searing, burning, embedding harshly
until my thoughts were sealed off
before they could escape my lips –
or what was left of them. i became
nothing, nothing but eyes and ears
and no hands, sensing everything
yet able to do nothing.
i’ll let my disfigurement be
my greatest achievement –
i’ll take her hand with
the one that remained
and i’ll let my eyes tell her
what i cannot.
I have noticed that when I write about happy experience, I tend to use simple and not-so-descriptive words – “I was happy,” “…elated,” “…joyful,” and so on. I could not describe – or maybe I don’t want to – with words how happy I am. But I have seen for myself that truth begs to be said, expressed, shouted perhaps, even if it must be to the void.
I am happy and I want to stay in this moment forever.
I never thought that days would turn to nights
And nights to days to months to years and
Nothing, I think, nothing accomplished –
“Is studying everything there is to life?” I ponder,
Sitting on chair, I put hand to chin and wonder.
Something does not seem right –
Time flies, and the future is not as bright.
“Rest has no place here,” they all say,
“Everyone who did has been put away.”
So I put on my earphones and played
Stringed symphonies till their voices have gone away –
Even God rested on the seventh day.
“Do have fun – everything will be okay,” I whisper.
wait. wait for her, they said. she will bring color to your existence.
wait. they would regale me with stories of turtles and hares, friends that met each other after years, and lovers rewarded for their fortitude.
I would smile, wondering whether my dark eyes betrayed me – can anyone see through this desperate facade?
a story begs to be told –
they told me she would come.
she already came.
they told me she would bring color.
my life was a rainbow since I saw her.
they told me that she would be the light.
my life was radiant as the midday sun.
they never told me this –
that fires did die
and rainbows dissipate into thin air.
they would never know that prayers and patience could never dig through seven feet of rocky earth
nor could they bring back to life memories that brought me joy.
He is the greatest magician –
He made coins, cards, and towers disappear
From sight. Through abracadabras and waved hands
Dimes, decks, and concrete returned to where they must.
The greatest trick he attempted had him
Losing her in a sea of words and gestures.
She vanished. Everything reappears after a while.
But she did not. She slipped through like water in one’s hands.
Nothing helped, not even elephants in the room that begged to be talked about.
let’s put an end to smouldering embers
that seemingly light themselves
to break through night – I could not sleep
because I look, I check,
and see nothing but the vestiges
of a flame that used to be. no warmth;
no warmth but false hopes of light
that danced but did not heat.
how ironic that all the air you’ll need
is in the water that you breathe
in the blueness that surrounds you
and fills your being
in places you never even knew existed.
size 11 statements for size 11 feet
and they never do fit; expressions of her joy
never were for
or because of me.
I tried filling his shoes
but my toes never quite
reached the end. I could never
walk the way he did with you.